Sometimes the Way Forward Looks Like Going Back

There are moments in life when we have to choose the harder path, the one that feels like stepping backwards but is really a way forward.

For me, that moment came in 2023.

I’d spent the last 18 years living across the UK—starting with art school in Edinburgh, followed by moves to London, Bournemouth, then Chester, and finally Liverpool. 

It was a journey full of new faces, experiences, and lessons, and for the most part, it felt like the life I was building was moving forward.

Packing day, this was just the living room! 

But life has a way of shifting.

I was in Liverpool, living alone after I lost my flat in Chester. I’d left my life in London to move closer to ex-partner's family, believing it was the right sacrifice for our future. 

When that relationship ended, I felt lost I threw myself into my art, hoping my studio would offer connection, but the loneliness lingered.

I realised I needed to go home—to Ireland.

 It felt like a huge step backwards. I was 39, moving back in with my parents, wondering what it meant for my life and my art.

Driving back through Wales, from Conwy to Holyhead and over the Irish Sea, I reached Dublin Port that night with a moment of panic — had I made the wrong choice? In the end, it was exactly the right one.

But deep down, I knew it was the right choice.

Within two weeks, my dad drove across in his van, and we packed up my life. It wasn’t easy. There were breakdowns—emotional and literal. And as I began to settle back home, something unexpected happened.

My painting developed and began looking different.

I no longer had my studio, just a corner of my bedroom, the kitchen table and my dad's shed. Yet, the work that emerged felt richer, deeper. Being back in Ireland, surrounded by the land, the sea, and that ancient Celtic energy, I think it began to shape my art. 

Capall Mara Dubh 

The result was Capall Mara Dubh—a painting born from the wildness of the Irish Sea that I had just crossed to move home, the quiet strength of homecoming, and the flow of creative energy.

It felt guided, like the sea itself was offering whispers of inspiration as I was crossing home. 

In Celtic mythology, seahorses are revered as brave and determined guides of the sea, symbolising protection and safe passage. This symbolism resonated deeply with me during my journey, influencing the essence of this piece.

This painting holds that story—of change, courage, and finding beauty in unexpected places. 

Have you ever experienced a moment where stepping back opened up something new for you? I’d love to hear about it — join me on Instagram here and let’s connect.